Alice Dryden (huskyteer) wrote,
Alice Dryden

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We May Have To Use Nuclear Force

the_heiress asked about Peruvian cuisine.

Although it isn't mentioned in Tintin: Prisoners of the Sun, this was actually something I knew the answer to, having read far too many travel articles by smug gap year students: Peruvians eat guinea pigs.

Doing some Internet research to back up this claim, I came across this article. And I'm terrified.

Scientists are attempting to breed larger guinea pigs for the Peruvian market. Apparently, 'once fattened up, a single guinea pig can feed as many as six people'.

Now, you and I have seen enough bad horror movies to realise what this sort of irresponsible gene-tinkering portends. I'm talking a giant, superintelligent, indestructible guinea pig master race.

And do you know how they will treat us, their human oppressors, after centuries of sharing hutches with bullying rabbits, starring in Tales of the Riverbank and enduring names like 'Squeaky' and 'Patch'?

They're going to hold us up by our tails to see if our eyes fall out.

And you know the really scary part?

We don't have tails...

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