This morning I received the following response from the recruiter:
My client will only consider current dog owners for this specialist role. Are you a current dog owner ?
If you are, please re-email me the cv in Word and add which dog you own onto the cv ( breed/name etc !) Please add “ DOGS” in the subject line of the email and I will get back to you
Obviously it occurred to me to invent a dog and get involved in About a Boy-style farce. An imaginary dog would hardly be a stretch; I've had them all my life. But this is reality and I am too cowardly to keep up a lengthy campaign of deception involving Photoshop, heartwarming anecdotes, and making sure to turn up at work with hair on my jumper and loose doggy treats in my bag.