Alice Dryden (huskyteer) wrote,
Alice Dryden

  • Mood:

How to please some of the people all of the time, and piss the others off

I've finally figured out how to Get Rich Quick. I can't believe it's this simple. All I have to do [drum roll] invent a platitude.

You know the sort of thing. Something twee, trite and perhaps marginally icky, like 'We don't inherit the earth from our parents, we borrow it from our children'; or 'If you tinkle when you sprinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie'; or that one about the army having to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber; or sodding 'Footprints', which I actually thought was rather nice before I saw it on the billion and oneth inspirational teatowel.

Really, how hard can it be to come up with a gobbet of hackneyed pseudophilosophy to appeal to the lowest common denominator? A computer could do it, if you hooked it up to a database containing twenty years' worth of greetings card mottoes.

Then, once I've got it, I copyright that sucker. And every time somebody reproduces my work on a keyring, cross stitch sampler or piece of Argos-catalogue jewellery, I get my cut.

I'd do it like a shot if I thought there was any chance I could subsequently live with myself.

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