- Check wedding list on John Lewis website. Only item remaining is a tube of tennis balls.
- Get hair cut.
- Try on dress bought in sale 2 years ago and not yet worn due to no suitable occasion presenting itself, but keenly looked forward to. Discover I seem to have put on quite a lot of weight since then.
- Remember that people who are getting married also get cards.
- Try on faithful fifteen-year-old dress that always fits, last worn at my friend Dave's wedding in 2009. Moths have eaten holes in the front.
- Purchase Whipsnade lemur adoption as wedding gift, since couple will spend honeymoon in Madagascar.
- Resist buying wedding card with Photoshopped meerkats and go for safe Quentin Blake option.
- Sew up moth holes in faithful dress.
- Discover wedding hat in pyjama drawer. Unsquash.
- Stuff everything into bag and bag into scooter prior to meeting Howard at South Mimms Services and travelling to his niece's place in St Albans.
- Spend morning doing tourism in St Albans. Arrive back with half an hour to have lunch, get changed and set off.
- Discover large, previously-missed moth hole in cleavage area. Cover by fastening jacket lapels together with safety pin.
- Arrive Hatfield House with no idea where to go. Find smartly-dressed people to tag along behind.
And then...then it was the wedding itself, and nothing mattered except being there.