I know worse things happen at sea but I'm deeply upset. Attached by cable ties to the bars and a clip to the mirror stem, they're not super-secure but do require a small amount of deliberate effort to nick.
I simply can't believe anyone could be so mean.
(This story does have a happyish ending, as I posted it on the Vespa forum and my friend Kate immediately offered a surplus pair of her own. But argh.)
* Apparently Chris in Team America actually calls people 'cockfags', but I misheard it as 'cockbags' which I find funnier.