I phoned the helpline and reached an automaton which asked me to enter my customer number. As I didn't have it with me, I waited for further instructions.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Please enter your customer number, either by saying it or by entering it on your telephone keypad."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't catch that. Please enter your customer number, either by saying it or by entering it on your telephone keypad."
Eventually it asked whether I wanted to place an order or make an enquiry, and informed me I could choose by saying either 'order' or 'enquiry'.
"I'm sorry, I could not understand you. Do you wish to place an order or make an enquiry? You can make your selection by saying either 'order' or 'enquiry'."
At last I spoke to a human, who sorted everything out bar the ridiculous automated system, which all calls have to go through. I suspect this doesn't actually make things easier for the operators who have to deal with you when you've been through the frustrations of the automated bit.
In other incompetence news, the British Film Institute sent me a nice letter asking why I had chosen not to renew my membership. I renewed for the year in December and stopped receiving newsletters last month, when apparently they decided to forget all about the thirty quid I'd sent them.