Alice Dryden (huskyteer) wrote,
Alice Dryden

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After a number of chase-up calls to SEMA and a permission e-mail from a high-ranking officer, I have access to the A drive. What I do not have is an A drive. To get things off a floppy, I need to find a computer that has a disk drive (rare) and is not in use (rarer), log on as me, install the software to my roaming profile, log off, trot back to my own PC and hope.

Haven't actually tried this yet.

What's the most common reason for visiting your company's Intranet site? Looking up a phone number, wouldn't you say? Guess what? ours does not have a single contact number. Oh, I lie - it has one for the Media and Press Officer, and a big colour photo of him to boot. Obviously an officer who knows his media.

So I announce my intention of putting a phone list on the new site. It takes me a day to get hold of the borough phone list, as it's kept in a public folder in Outlook which I don't have permission to access. (Not very public, then.) When I do, it's a vastly complicated Word table with animated Word Art and flashing text (I kid you not). Not very Web-compatible and there's no way I'm cutting and pasting all the data into an HTML table, even assuming I have any means of writing HTML, which I don't.

Luckily there is a special Word template for Intranet files which converts your Word document to HTML. (Why do I not use this to create all my pages and stop whinging about Notepad, you ask? 1: professional pride; 2: it blows.) Spend two hours getting rid of all the fancy text tricks that won't convert properly, cut and paste into template, preview in browser, looks fine, save, upload to Intranet publishing page, hit Preview link, header text gets progressively larger from cell to cell until it reaches the maximum permissable. Why? I don't know, because I can't get at the raw HTML to see what might be causing it. I try again, making every piece of text on the page 10-point Arial. Same thing. Three tries. Give up. Bang head repeatedly on desk.

At this point my boss, Timothy Button (not nearly as cute as his name suggests) popped by to see how I was getting on. I showed him the many things I had been doing. He said: "I see, but have you actually put anything on the Intranet yet?"


Not in so many words, of course, as he is not only my boss but a Chief Inspector.

Honestly, nobody is more anxious than me to get something presentable up. I'm thinking of the future: I need colour laser printouts for my portfolio. And I have seen how easy it is to file a criminal record.

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